


Snakes on a Train

by canarypaper



Category: Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-05
Updated: 2010-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canarypaper/pseuds/canarypaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the kinkmeme prompt: "A Sherlock Holmes/Snakes on a Plane AU. There are snakes! On a train! It's a mystery as to how they got there and how to get rid of them!" CRACK.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snakes on a Train

SNAKES ON A TRAIN

by canarypaper

"I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

~ Samuel L. Jackson

 

 

There was a steady hiss that droned on and on just outside of the tiny train compartment, along with the occasional shriek of a terrified lady. Or man. Every so often, a writhing, slithering snake would drop from the little grated vent behind the luggage rack and Holmes would summarily knock it over the head with his shoe.

It was becoming a little messy.

He had curled himself up in a cramped position in the back corner of the compartment, contemplating their next move while shaking snake innards from his sole.

The silence from Watson's corner of the compartment was tangible.

"My dear Watson," Holmes began, craning his neck back to look through the window and at the luggage train (which he knew to be carrying large quantities of explosives, and if they could only reach it...)

"Shut. Up."

Holmes raised an eyebrow. He slammed his shoe on another snake.

Watson's mustache twitched.

"Well, if you're going to be like that, I'm not going to tell you my plan for our escape."

Watson calmly turned his head. "Holmes, I am beyond caring."

"Prickly."

His eyes narrowed. "Prickly?" Watson repeated. "Prickly?" A deep breath, a clenching of fists. "Holmes, it may have escaped your notice but you were the one who dragged me onto this train-"

"I don't think dragged is really the proper term for-"

"-dragged, under the pretense that you were protecting Sir Edmund Pellew-"

"We are, actually, and we should probably get to his compartment to check-"

"-from a blackmailer, but what you failed to mention-"

"Failed is a very strong word, Watson-"

"-is that his blackmailer is an exotic snake breeder-"

There was the thud of a shoe and a sick squelching sound.

"-and filled the entire passenger train with SNAKES-"

Thud. Crunch.

"Snakes, Holmes!"

Thud. Crunch.

"Great, slithering, disgusting, poisonous monstrosities-"

THUD. CRUNCH.

"Would you STOP THAT?" Watson bellowed.

Holmes looked up as if surprised. "Oh, sorry, were you saying something?"

"ARGH!" Watson clambered to his feet. "That is IT." He grabbed his walking stick.

"I have had it-" he unsheathed the blade in his stick.

"-with these bloody snakes-" he whipped out his service revolver from his coat pocket.

"-on this bloody train!"

With a great war cry, he kicked the door of the compartment open, never mind that it was actually a sliding door, and began shooting at the slithering masses covering the hallway.

Holmes sat for a moment, stupefied, listening to the echoing of gunshots and sick slicing sounds from beyond the compartment.

"Well, if you didn't like snakes you simply had to tell me."

Holmes stood up, stepping gingerly over bloody snake carcasses on his way out, before dashing after his dear doctor.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic but would like to leave a comment on livejournal, pop over to [canarypaper at livejournal ](http://canarypaper.livejournal.com/32800.html).


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